tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42955846419697384152024-03-13T04:19:16.389-07:00Reflections on MajdanekUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger180125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-70600161956992795082011-07-05T20:57:00.000-07:002011-07-05T21:03:25.086-07:00I've gotten somewhere?My friend turned to me on Saturday night.<br />
<br />
There was noise, but not much. I could hear her. There were blinking lights, but they were deadened in our part of the dance hall by the intruding foyer lights. I could see her. <i>Wow</i>, I thought, <i>your wife is lucky to have you - you are a beautiful person.</i><br />
<br />
She was speaking. I was listening.<br />
<br />
- I've finally found somebody else like you!<br />
- What do you mean?<br />
- An optimistic gay man!<br />
<br />
<i>How unfortunate that it took you this long. Also, am I completely optimistic? Do I deserve such a title.</i><br />
<br />
- And I want you to meet him, and I want you to marry him.<br />
- Wait a moment; this is just unfair. Tell me more. <i>Excitement.</i><br />
- He is from the Ukraine. He came to the Pride Centre office yesterday - you remember that meeting I told you I had with some guy I didn't know and you told me you hoped it went well, and that you'd care more if the youth in question was a high school student because you're a jerk like that - and he started talking and I talked back and he was talking about how his parents don't like him being gay and how he didn't care and how he just needed a place to talk about being gay because he didn't have any gay friends in Canada yet... but he is crazy optimistic... <i>she continued</i>.<br />
<br />
I thought,<i> my favourite book I have read this year was set in the Ukraine</i>... I am listening...<br />
<br />
And thinking, <i>maybe, just maybe I've gotten somewhere. I'm one of the optimistic one's. And there are so many of and so few of us...</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-48901548195728303122011-06-23T21:35:00.001-07:002011-06-23T21:35:38.624-07:00Pride WeekYou wouldn’t have known it if you lived in Regina - hell, you probably wouldn’t have known it if the Gay and Lesbian Community of Regina building was your neighbour - but last week was Pride Week here in town. As such, I got to participate in my first ever Pride events.<br />
<br />
And I was thoroughly ___________________ (fill in the blank) with everything. Except the dancing.<br />
<br />
I went to a film viewing. The Politics of Pride. Made me sad, and want to cry, and carry dramatic signs at the parade. <br />
<br />
I went to a Coming-Out Party. Watched a woman ask various voluntary speakers (anybody from the audience) questions about their coming out experience. Made me sad, and want to cry, and carry dramatic signs at the parade (particularly when I saw a student that I had taught collect the courage to go up and speak).<br />
<br />
I went to a White Party - which is merely a party where everybody wears white and dances with strobe lights until the end of time (or whatever that instant in which the lights are turned on at the bar is actually called). Had a great time. Smiled a lot. Felt like I was a part of something. Made me want to carry dramatic signs at the parade.<br />
<br />
Saturday afternoon came and past.<br />
<br />
I went to a coffee shop and read.<br />
<br />
Didn’t go walking down any streets with my ‘brothers and sisters’ carrying rainbows and waving signs and holding hands and kissing and wearing minimal clothing - or anything like that. <br />
<br />
I started a new book instead.<br />
<br />
Saturday night arrived. I danced. There was supposed to be a drag show, but it was cancelled - so there was only dancing. And more meeting of people. Lots of people. Having random men call for my attention - offering some random men my attention and then moving on. If only I was a slut.<br />
<br />
So I danced. Me and some lesbians, avoiding boys that I didn’t know.<br />
<br />
Overall, a good-ish week. Nothing special - except for a reminder of the importance of being gay, and the joy of being gay.<br />
<br />
I disappointed myself though. I kept my participation in the festivities limited to myself - meaning, I didn’t tell people I was going to them. My parents didn’t know I was going to a viewing party. Neither did my friends (not even the friends I happened to run into down the street from the theatre who were curious about what I was up to). These people know I am gay. Why did I not tell them?<br />
<br />
Oh yeah - because I don’t know if they are willing or able to accept the cultural side of me being gay. One of those things where I have to give them a chance to decide, and behave as a response to their decision.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-72131478471363929062011-06-12T00:06:00.000-07:002011-06-12T00:06:49.057-07:00This is our government.I am sure that I am not the only Canadian who took the events of May 2nd with a little bit of concern. When Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party of Canada made history, becoming the first majority Conservative government elected to power since the 80s, there was a sensation in the country. Not many people were happy it seemed.<br />
<br />
But there was also a sigh. No more elections, for four years. Some stability. Certain stability. For four years.<br />
<br />
A sigh of concern, or a sigh of relief?<br />
<br />
I'm not going to complain about the government, or about how Canada needs to reorganize their electoral laws to be more representative of the population.<br />
<br />
Instead I am going to make a note about the Conservative Party of Canada.<br />
<br />
The CPC just finished their national convention, where they surely celebrated their recent victory and thought of ways that they could take this chance as a means of organizing how they are going to socially reconstruct society. Which is the ultimate result of any election - particularly those that result in a majority.<br />
<br />
And we are on the chopping block, it seems.<br />
<br />
Buried in this <a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/story/2011/06/11/pol-conservative-convention-day3.html">CBC News Report</a> on the results of the convention is the following couple paragraphs:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>...delegates passed a resolution saying the party supports the freedom of religious organizations to refuse to perform same-sex marriages or allow the use of their facilities for events incompatible with their faith and beliefs.<br />
<br />
The resolution changed the wording of an existing party policy on gay marriage, which said the Conservative "government" supported legislation saying marriage is between one man and one woman, with delegates voting to change it to say the Conservative Party supports the move.<br />
<br />
The resolutions set party policy but are not binding on the government.<br />
<br />
Gay marriage has long been a thorn in the side of the party and an issue opposition parties have used to paint the Tories as behind the times. Canadian courts started the process of allowing gay marriage in 2003 and the Liberal government in 2005 passed a law making it legal.<br />
<br />
Prime Minister Stephen Harper allowed a free vote on a motion whether to re-open the same-sex marriage debate in the House of Commons soon after the Conservatives took power in 2006. After the motion was defeated, Harper said he didn't want to revisit the issue.<br />
<br />
But the ability of religious organizations to be able to say no to performing the ceremonies has been an irritant to the party's grassroots supporters.<br />
<br />
</blockquote><br />
It is important to note that party resolutions are not binding on government policy. Indeed, as the right to marry has been passed in the courts already as a Human Right (happening even before we had the legal right to marry, in 2003 rather than 2005), it would take a complete reshuffling of the Supreme Court of Canada in favour of Conservative seats. Which just happened.<br />
<br />
Still, I am not overly concerned. Unless Harper wins in 2015.<br />
<br />
Regardless, we should make it clear to people - to our friends and family - that this party does not support us having the right to marry. I will be sure to tell my few conservative friends in the coming weeks that their party does not view my ability to love as equal or as legitimate as their own - and that this prejudice has been formalized in party documentation. I hope you do the same. <br />
<br />
Knowing somebody who is gay only gets us so far - using our relationships to help people understand how we exist in the world gets us so much farther.<br />
<br />
For example - earlier this week my farther told me that I had gotten a phone call from the Canadian Blood Services. <br />
<br />
'They want your blood'<br />
'No they don't.'<br />
'They say that they do.'<br />
'I can't give blood anymore.'<br />
'Why not?'<br />
<i>(insert snarky tone suggesting that he should already know this)</i><br />
'Because I'm gay, dad.' <br />
<br />
Silence. (and it is not because he didn't know I was gay)<br />
<br />
That changed how he understood my relationship with the world around me. And that is regarding my right to give blood, not my right to marry...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-57223047502715701172011-05-31T21:32:00.000-07:002011-05-31T21:32:42.921-07:00Burnaby and TennesseeBurnaby, Burnaby, Burnaby.<br />
<br />
My relationship with today's problems started years ago. It was my first year of University. I was sitting in my education advisor's office, talking about what classes I should take to best prepare me to teach curriculum, and that got us started.<br />
<br />
My advisor is the most respected authority on evaluation and social studies curriculum development in Western Canada. She was doing a study on this new curriculum for the B.C. government. A year-long course required for all graduating high school students, combining Canadian History with Indigenous Studies and Social Studies with a focus on Social Justice.<br />
<br />
Sounds cool, hey?<br />
<br />
At the time I never would've thought about it, but it only makes sense now. One of the units is about gay rights, or, more specifically, the history of gay people in Canada.<br />
<br />
Some parents don't like this. The vocal ones seem to live in Burnaby. They perceive this as an attempt at social engineering through curriculum - the government trying to convince children to comply with things that are objectionable.<br />
<br />
I have a couple, complicated responses to this.<br />
<br />
Firstly, the point of social studies curriculum, expressed in every text book and article I have read and written on the topic, is to engineer society into something that is more civically coherent. It always has been the purpose of Social Studies. Always will be. Does that make it right? No - but I will defend it anyways. It is the great equalizer that can serve to enlighten children by providing them some lens through which they can begin interpreting the world other than their parents. And it has been somewhat successful - we are seeing a better integration of immigrants than ever before in Canada (though these tend to be the children or grandchildren of immigrants), for example. Just one example of social cohesion increasing (though there are perhaps valid arguments that it is not - though you'd have to consider pandering to extremists to buy into them).<br />
<br />
Secondly, gay education does not exist. It does not even need to be about the sexual realities of being gay - for the majority of the human population, this is of limited interest (if of any at all). What should be of interest to everybody is the way that homosexuals are treated by, perceived by, or themselves perceive society. And starting to break down the barriers that exist between our cultures by educating people about a fuller breadth of gay society than that presented in the media during Pride Festivals or that is read on the walls of the bathroom stall. This is done poorly in education generally whenever discussing a minority, but by offering a voice to them, something is being accomplished - even if it only acts as a spark for interest later in life. It is not bad to introduce people to another culture. We are everywhere - you cannot hide from us. Not even at your church (we are likely your organist, choir conductor, and lead tenor all wrapped in one...)<br />
<br />
Thirdly, we should not be presented separately in curriculum. We should be fully integrated into it. This concern is a major feature of feminist curriculum theory - one that has not been listened to well by curriculum writers by has started to affect curriculum delivery in the classroom in the past ten years. We are part of society - we are everywhere - we are not separate or hidden in a ghetto. Don't place us in one at school, particularly not in curriculums. It produces frustration in teachers and in students - "Oh, we're going to do the GAY unit?" (dramatically roll your eyes).<br />
<br />
Early this year I read Felice Picano's <i>Like People in History</i>. I did not love it. I did not buy into it entirely. I didn't like the drugs - I think that is what turned me off. But I'll be damned if it didn't help raise my personal awareness of how homosexuals have always been around - always been interpreting the world through a slightly different lens. Changing with the times. Sometimes changing faster than the times - sometimes slower, but always changing. With society - not separate from it.<br />
<br />
To the B.C. government (who is doing a lot of right things with this curriculum renewal): Include us in the curriculum. But don't toss us into our own unit. We are an integral part of society, and have been here since time immemorial. We need to be included in curriculum just as heterosexuals are - if only to present a more realistic image of society.<br />
<br />
To the parents of Burnaby: Yes, what your child is being put through is social engineering. It is the nature of education. Go read about the goals of education, particularly public, mandatory education - read the books and articles written by academics - and you'll realize that it has never been otherwise. And though you are a stakeholder in the system (and this has been my stance on education ever since I was in high school), you are perhaps the least important of all. Take a back seat and let your child learn about the world in which he lives in the class that is designated to teach him about the world.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-64751811777851463432011-05-29T21:55:00.000-07:002011-05-29T21:55:47.356-07:00Tennessee and Burnaby (hey that rhymes!)Let me start with Tennessee.<br />
<br />
The middle of May 2011 has not been kind to teachers in Tennessee. Or to gay people. I can't imagine being both at the same time. The Tennessee Senate has passed a law that will prevent teachers from discussing homosexuality with their students. This is being called the 'Don't Say Gay!" law (what a deceptively exciting title!).<br />
<br />
Instead, any discussion of sexuality will be limited to natural-health sexual-reproduction. <br />
<br />
Which, aside from being a reality that no longer exists, is essentially the sexual education that I was provided with and that has completely failed to prepare myself or many of my peers for sexual health as gay or lesbian men and women. And I have made it clear in the past that I feel this is a moral oversight.<br />
<br />
Previously, it was a curricular concern - and teachers mostly choosing not to deviate from the guidelines of the curriculum. Soon (as early as 2012 - when the bill will be taken up by the House) it will be illegal to deviate from this curriculum and talk about homosexuality in a sexual health course. Or at all.<br />
<br />
Because my numerous memories about being properly instructed about having sex with men made me want to have sex with men. Just like my numerous memories of being instructed on how to insert my penis into a vagina made me want to do that. <br />
<br />
<b>Wait a minute.</b><br />
<br />
This is an example of a law that has been written by a government that is directed by belief rather than proof. Constitutions should be adopted where proof is recognized as the only viable means by which a law can be produced, non?<br />
<br />
And, on a personal note, in having gone through this re-examination of my own existence, I was aware of my attraction to men <i>well</i> before completing middle school. Was I confused by it? Hell yes! Would I have approached a teacher and asked questions about it? Hell no! But only because the language did not exist for me to do so.<br />
<br />
Burnaby next time. It angers me more - but only because I can relate to it more.<br />
<br />
And honestly, the result of this law in Tennessee is likely going to be beneficial. The backlash that will result, whenever it happens (and it may not be for twenty years), will force homosexual sex curriculum into the sexual curriculum of young peoples - a place that it has never held before. And, the reality is that homosexuality as a topic may be discussed in a middle or elementary school, but it isn't examined. Students can't comprehend sexuality at that age - they are just learning it. And teachers don't want to teach about homosexuality - it is a topic so few are familiar with, and a topic that they do not want to field questions about.<br />
<br />
So, ultimately, this law is not going to change how education is practiced in the state of Tennessee. It will just formalize how it cannot be (and has not been) practiced, solidifying the curriculum in the early 90s until the state is forced by society to catch up to other parts of the states.<br />
<br />
Once again, that could be twenty years from now - and there will be many lives hurt and lost in the interim - but the end result will be very, very beneficial for gay education in public schooling.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-48087546164325146622011-05-26T22:29:00.000-07:002011-05-26T22:29:16.945-07:00More laterI am a teacher.<br />
<br />
And if you've been following Saskatchewan's news at all recently, you'd surely know that I spent the past two days on strike.<br />
<br />
I am a teacher.<br />
<br />
And I am a gay man.<br />
<br />
I am a gay teacher who happens to be a man.<br />
<br />
I am a man who happens to be gay and a teacher.<br />
<br />
I am a teacher who happens to be gay and a man.<br />
<br />
I am not happy with my government. I don't know if I will be happy with them when an agreement is made regarding the funding of teachers in our province. I know that the current goals of teachers are unrealistic if only because the public thinks it is demanding too much - in reality, it is about where we should end up, if not aiming a little low. We won't end up there though. We will have to give up more than a third, maybe half, of what we want and deserve in a raise.<br />
<br />
But I am not going to complain about politics. Or my job.<br />
<br />
I am going to complain about being a teacher who happens to be a man who happens to be gay (which means I happen to like men).<br />
<br />
Because education is a big part of where my heart is, and I am seeing it mix with sexuality in some pretty disastrous ways right now.<br />
<br />
In Burnaby, B.C. (my future home). And the state of Tennessee (which I doubt is my future home).<br />
<br />
More on both later.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-66931472825227485682011-05-23T23:20:00.000-07:002011-05-23T23:20:06.570-07:00SportsI am not a big fan of professional sports. If I were to construct my ideal world, they would likely not be on the list of things I would remember to reproduce. But I'd make sure athletes were included - and that these athletes were on my soccer team, or worked out at the gym that I work out at. I would hate to miss out on being around them.<br />
<br />
But it is the Stanley Cup playoffs. And Vancouver is doing well. And I am Canadian, so I find myself interested in what is happening in sports. For some reason - and I assure you that I am pretty much completely confused about why. I asked somebody yesterday how the game went. I was working while it was happening, so I couldn't watch. Would I have anyways? No. Did it give me a momentary conversation topic? Yes. Did I know what the consequences of the game were? Yes. Mostly.<br />
<br />
And then the past month has blown my mind. In sports. (Did I just type that? - who am I, and am I still lost in the world of that beautiful man that I have not yet seen again?)<br />
<br />
(yes, I can confirm that I just wrote that. Weird)<br />
<br />
One of the blogs I follow, <a href="http://gay-persons-of-color.blogspot.com/">Gay Persons of Colour</a>, has been popping up on my dashboard for the past couple weeks with headlines like <i>Dutch gymnast Jeffrey Wammes comes out</i>, and <i>Sean Avery endorses marriage equality with video</i>. Sorry. What?<br />
<br />
How about<i> Carolina Panthers linebacker Nic Harris in support of marriage equality. <br />
<br />
Pheonix Suns President Rick Welts comes out; players featured in pro-gay PSA.<br />
<br />
San Francisco Giants to produce "It Gets Better" video.</i><br />
<br />
Is this the same world of professional sports, filled with the same dumb-ass, homophobic jocks that I grew up with? The fans that I remember hating the idea that I may be gay?<br />
<br />
I was out for a visit with some friends this evening. One of them is a former varsity basketball player - a lesbian who admitted that she hadn't watched a single professional basketball game since ending her basketball career years ago. And then she mentioned <a href="http://aol.sportingnews.com/nba/story/2011-05-23/joakim-noah-fined-50000-for-homophobic-slur-aimed-at-fan">this</a> story. <br />
<br />
Joakim Noah directed a homophobic slur at a fan. Is getting fined for it, much like Kobe was (and as I mentioned in a previous post). But, unlike Kobe, Joakim has come to the press with a complete apology for his actions and words. He provided no excuses. He said his comments were bigoted and wrong. And that he apologizes for the ideas he seemed to be promoting.<br />
<br />
Sorry, what?<br />
<br />
This is a changing world, my friends. If we can reach some of the most popular leaders of male, misogynist culture, and make them leaders in the fight for marriage and social equality, we know that this is a different world.<br />
<br />
And my friend, the former varsity player, has said that she is going to start watching professional sports again. Maybe. She feels like she has a place in it again, or for the first time.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-49863137998032416202011-05-11T08:22:00.000-07:002011-05-11T08:22:46.393-07:00SleepI've not been able to sleep properly for days. Ever since Saturday night.<br />
<br />
Saturday night I went dancing, and got lost in somebody across the dance floor and haven't been found yet. I fall asleep and I imagine his body and face and eyes. I wake up and am haunted by his body and face and eyes. <br />
<br />
The man who I wrote about months ago - depressed, incapable of falling out of love with me - has managed to fall out of love with me. Or so it has been reported to me by a very good mutual friend of ours. And I'll believe her. And I will say that this frees me up to *ahem* pursue some of the *ahem* distractions that I see every now and then - and to do it in his presence, and to do so sparking his jealousy but not his sense of self-worth. Or so I hope.<br />
<br />
So this man in whom I have been lost, I address you. When I next see you, prepare to be approached - because I need to find myself again, and it would seem that I can only do so by meeting you. Cause I'll be damned if I don't want to get to know you, and find out what it really means to get lost in your body and face and eyes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-16115406915104290352011-05-08T20:46:00.000-07:002011-05-08T20:46:29.347-07:00(not about really about silence but on the success of talking)I went out with friends last night. Met some new people, and really enjoyed myself. Watched a drag show, danced until the world ended - classic kind of stuff.<br />
<br />
Afterwards, as I was driving my friend home, she said something that made me really happy.<br />
<br />
This friend of mine has worked for the on-campus GLTB centre for the past couple years as either a staff member or a board member. She has noticed that involvement in the group has declined in the past couple of years. Alarming, no?<br />
<br />
She said involvement in urban-raised youth has particularly been reduced. Rural youth involvement is actually on the rise (but is a much smaller population than urban populations so it does not make up for the loss) - and their reliance on the centre as a social environment has increased.<br />
<br />
But she has noted (and this is the happiness-inducing factor of my late-evening/early-morning) this:<br />
<br />
Young gay people are much more confident now than she ever expected she would see. They exude happiness once they are out. They like who they are. Depression is on the decline. People are visibly happy in the gay community. And even though they hate themselves a little bit, they have never hated themselves less in history than they do now.<br />
<br />
Smiles abound.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-91868265581265966952011-05-07T21:46:00.000-07:002011-05-07T21:46:19.746-07:00A treatise on How Silence is Broken<iframe width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/9m4IGDZpSR0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
A shout-out to Amak over at Queer Behind the Mirror for introducing me to this video earlier this week through <a href="http://sadhuficatedwords.blogspot.com/">his blog;</a> it fits in well with what I am developing at the moment.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-14719226981246634232011-05-05T10:49:00.000-07:002011-05-05T10:49:25.936-07:00SilenceAnd why do we get frustrated by our friends who are silent? This is a question that we must also ask ourselves, because it is more of a reflection on us than anything else.<br />
<br />
Most of us grew up in fear, and a fear that is far more real than many perceive it to be. We hear the comments on the playground, and we see the hatred in people's faces - all directed at this mythical creature. The Faggot. And we create this creature - we draw it in our minds. It is ugly, and it is feminine, and it is not popular, and it is not well-liked by anybody. It is disgraceful. It is not worth defending in public. It is a monster, that eats children after boiling them in a cauldron of lust, that offers them candy and asks them to come into the car for some more, and then drives away and does things to them that everybody knows is bad but nobody knows what is.<br />
<br />
And we do everything we can to make sure that this mythical creature constructed in our head looks nothing like us.<br />
<br />
And so we are silent.<br />
<br />
We also know that people direct these words at us - that people can smell it on us, somehow. And so we know that if we stand up for them we shall only confirm what they already think is true. And with that confirmed we can only imagine what life is going to be like - our skin will turn green, we'll grow longer teeth, and carry cauldrons in the trunks of our black sedans. All the words that have been thrown at us like spears will turn out to be true.<br />
<br />
And so we are silent.<br />
<br />
And our friends are silent because we are silent, and everybody continues to be silent except those who are particularly talented at throwing spears.<br />
<br />
And then we decide we are gay, and that our skin is not going to turn green, and that we don't have to buy that black sedan if we don't want to. And that the image of a Faggot, the one that was so ugly so long ago, is slowly becoming more and more like the one we see in the mirror, and slowly it is starting help us affirm our own identity. And this bothers us at first and then it stops.<br />
<br />
And we stop being silent, sometimes (but not all the time, we have to be safe still, right?).<br />
<br />
And we somehow ask our friends to no longer be silent.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-83843602136930191342011-05-04T22:24:00.000-07:002011-05-04T22:24:15.030-07:00"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." <br />
<br />
- Martin Luther King<br />
<br />
Is this perhaps an explanation of why so many young gay men and women and inbetweens have such a hard time trusting others and exalting the relationship into the realm of true friendship rather than the dance between acquaintance and friendship that can only be termed business? <br />
<br />
Perhaps the silence of our friends is more painful than anything else.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-89104484994161460022011-04-30T22:12:00.000-07:002011-04-30T22:12:47.337-07:00A letter to Gay Family ValuesThis is a response to a <a href="http://gayfamilyvalues.blogspot.com/2011/04/what-light-reveals.html">post about transgendered rights</a> on a friend's blog that I recommend you check out.<br />
<br />
Bryan and Jay! Long time, no post.<br />
<br />
I'm loving this topic. It is something that has been bothering my quite a bit over the past couple weeks - ever since a Transgendered Rights bill was brought up in the House of Commons and then shot down because of the Senate and our current election (it only passed the House of Commons because of our minority government, not a single Conservative MP voted in favour of it).<br />
<br />
Recently a read a Canadian novel called Annabel by Kathleen Winter, which is about growing up transgendered in rural Newfoundland. I thought it was a great novel, and I found myself relating to it far more than I ever anticipated - not only in the parent figures who often reminded me of my parents, but also in how the main character so often feels alone and trapped in a body that doesn't make sense to them.<br />
<br />
I'm not trans.<br />
<br />
But I am gay. And oftentimes I realize that, even as a 'relatively masculine' gay, I play with that gender variant line a lot more than I ever could've imagined I would. And that is important to me. For the past couple weeks I have been toying around the philosophical idea of being transgendered myself - or perceiving myself as such - because I am not exclusively male in a traditional sense. And I am not a woman. I sit on the fractured earth between the two continents of our cultural ideas, and sit there with millions of others who can't identify as one or the other.<br />
<br />
Today I was filling out a job application. It had me check a box for my gender. Male or female. I checked male - but only as a formality. Inside I knew that it wasn't me in that word, and I wished I could've drawn a line between the two and place myself on that spectrum.<br />
<br />
Some people encounter that moment every day. And moment of their existence.<br />
<br />
I would highly recommend <i>Annabel</i> - if you can't get your hands on a copy in the States, let me know and I will ship one to you.<br />
<br />
- NealUnknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-15735917273111433622011-04-26T23:49:00.000-07:002011-04-26T23:49:16.560-07:00So a gay man and a priest walk into the bar...This title has nothing to do with this story. Sorry if you came here looking for a story because you won't find it.<br />
<br />
Instead I've a much less interesting story for you.<br />
<br />
A friend of mine was talking to me today. We sing in choir together - we've known each other for quite a few years. She found out last year I was gay; I had my suspicions of her being a lesbian confirmed at the same time. We have been good friends since - beforehand being connected by nothing but our mutual love of singing with large groups of people.<br />
<br />
We had a rehearsal for a performance not too long ago. A technical rehearsal actually; our performance involved a lot of changing lighting, projections, and much more - everything was very studiously considered and synchronized by the director. And she had an image.<br />
<br />
In the consummate love song, towards the end, the director asked us to hold our partner's hand or do something else to communicate a sense of attachment and friendship. I was ok with it. So was my friend. I held my partner's hand - a stunning young alto that I am sure has been admired by many people from afar for her amazing black hair - and my friend held her partner's hand - some young man that I can only recall for occasionally failing to sing the correct tone.<br />
<br />
Being in a choir, there was not quite enough men for all the women to be partnered to one. (what I am not telling you here is that we accidentally had a couple sopranos get through the auditions who could neither sight-read music with pitch or with rhythm, and so we had to search for more sopranos to try and smother them, and this almost destroyed the balance of the ensemble as a result.) So some women were partnered with women.<br />
<br />
One, a friend of my friend, refused to 'hold hands with a woman'. I remember overhearing this and being a little bit annoyed - as I was holding hands with a woman myself. A stranger at that. And regardless of her beauty, I had no interest in her whatsoever. The friend of the friend did not provide an explanation, but the song we were singing was clearly written with romantic love in mind. What was communicated was that a woman cannot being romantically involved with a woman, or, at the very least, a woman who is not interested in being romantically involved with a woman should not be forced to act as though there is some sort of chemistry between her and another woman.<br />
<br />
This bothered me for a moment or two, but I let it pass. She is young, and from a small town in B.C. I figured she would grow up in her years at university.<br />
<br />
My friend did not let it slide. She told me how she raised it with her friend in a conversation, as something that really bothered her. That she was angry at her friend for her comment, her insensitivity to the fact that all of the homosexuals and other-sexuals in the room were actually not having their romantic relationships recognized at all but were in fact being asked (once again! oh scourge of existence!) to act straight. She was angry.<br />
<br />
My friend then told me how her friend did not feel she had done anything wrong, and that she was confused by how anybody could possibly think she had. This is a friend (of a friend) that knew of my friend's sexuality, and that was supportive, and that celebrated my friend's recent first move into the world of romance with her.<br />
<br />
And they have not spoken since. Certainly there are many rational explanations for why they have not spoken for the last couple weeks - it is finals period, which is busy for students. My friend's friend has been moving to a new apartment, and is prepping to do a quick visit home to B.C. before her job starts up. My friend just started a new job herself, and has had a series of concerts and associated rehearsals ever since (the joy of being a musician during Holy Week).<br />
<br />
But she wanted my advice anyways.<br />
<br />
<br />
And I told her this (not a direct quote):<br />
<br />
"Don't ever get mad at your friends for what appears to be insensitivity. This existence is newer for them than it is for you. The language we expect of them is confusing. They will make mistakes all the time - we make mistakes all the time. Your allies are your core people, and they will suck some times. Be patient with them, just as they have been with you."<br />
<br />
Thankfully my friend is quite introspective. I know people who would never accept a response of that nature. <br />
<br />
Don't become hetero-phobic and get angry at people when they are making mistakes about gender and romance in a new world of developing sexual equality. This is hard stuff for society to accept, even harder for them to change consciously. Let them make mistakes, and don't correct them in anger.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-35235416925597329682011-04-23T14:42:00.000-07:002011-04-23T14:42:37.419-07:00"Different though the sexes are, they inter-mix. In every human being a vacillation from one sex to the other takes place, and often it is only the clothes that keep the male or female likeness, while underneath the sex is the very opposite of what it is above."<br />
<br />
- Virginia Woolf<br />
<br />
<br />
I should be promoting this only in my other blog, but I have started reading a piece of Canadian literature about transgendered individuals in rural Newfoundland. It is called <i>Annabel</i>, it is by Kathleen Winter, and it is beautiful.<br />
<br />
This quote from Virginia Woolf is provided before the prelude. <br />
<br />
<br />
I wonder if we will ever see the day when we all recognize our own transgendered-ness.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-84416217255213213512011-04-21T09:01:00.000-07:002011-04-21T09:01:05.509-07:00I support my gay son because he is my child.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sBY_grV_Lds/TbBS9BznkhI/AAAAAAAAAIc/Gszsf3khGRo/s1600/comm_cult_01.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="214" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sBY_grV_Lds/TbBS9BznkhI/AAAAAAAAAIc/Gszsf3khGRo/s320/comm_cult_01.jpeg" /></a></div><br />
The <a href="http://www.fondationemergence.org/default.aspx?scheme=415">Fondation Emergence</a> released a campaign in the March of 2011 to encourage immigrant families in Quebec to support their children if they are gay (which is something that many immigrant parents have never had to consider, as many come from countries where the social stigma against differing sexualities is painfully oppressive). I don't need to tell any of you, I am sure, about the enormous benefits of having supportive parents for gay children - the reduction it plays in our potential to commit suicide, or the potential to contract STIs and HIV/AIDS. So when I seen this kind of promotion, directed at parents of gay individuals, I think 'What a beautiful thing.'<br />
<br />
Inspires me. And makes me wish we had stuff like this happening in my hometown.<br />
<br />
Which would not be difficult at all.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-21561289575618359102011-04-16T18:18:00.000-07:002011-04-16T18:19:47.294-07:00A word that matters.<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="500" height="311" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Th9aSmpCVCQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
Dearest KindaGayBlog,<br />
<br />
I like your blog. I like your videos. I like your perspective on life, and on how we make relationships, and on how important those relationships are. I think you are a smart man, who has started to make his life into what he wants it to be. <br />
<br />
But I think you are wrong about this word.<br />
<br />
But first, I like the basis of what you are saying. I like that you want us to rise above this word as a community, so that we don't allow this word to have power over us. You are right in pointing out that the only reason that we recognize this term as a curse is because we allow it to be one - not because it inherently is. <br />
<br />
But I would argue that the vast majority of gay people, particularly those of us who are young and grew up with it in the school yard - hidden somewhere in between the sandbox, monkey bars, and swing set; stuck in the unheard lexicon of childhood, used when we are free from the supervision of teachers and adults and other sources of authority. "You throw like a girl." "Your mom!". "Fag!"<br />
<br />
- We don't allow the term to bother us as we encounter it in our day-to-day existence. Even though now it is generally heard under breath (unless your first name is Kobe and your last name is Bryant), we manage to get over it. We are used to it. And we've found the strength to get past it - we've accepted who we are. <br />
<br />
We have come out.<br />
<br />
Perhaps, KindaGayBlog, this is my eternal educator coming out (won't somebody please think of the kids!), but I remember this term used in its virile sense as a closeted young teen - not as an out-of-the-closet and outed young adult. I can remember hearing it, not as an under-the-breath, slightly ashamed grasp at freedom of speech, but as an insult. And it was for these insults that I stayed in the closet.<br />
<br />
And hated myself.<br />
<br />
Because I knew that there was something wrong with me. Not because of the term (it is not inherently bad), but because of the tone of it. And as an isolated young man who was interested in other young men, I was not able to get over it. I couldn't imagine ever being able to get over it.<br />
<br />
And, because I am only a young gay man, both in the sense of my actual age and in the sense of how long it is since I have come out, I cannot help to remember the pain that being closeted caused me - the fear, isolation, hatred, self-hatred, the false sense of love and acceptance. And I think that, if anything, my concern as a gay man should not be for those who are 'out' but for those who are not yet 'out' - who still hate themselves in ways that I can only just barely remember, and who hear the term 'faggot' and hope that nobody knows that this is who they are (but also who they aren't).<br />
<br />
We should be concerned about love. Always concerned about love. And the term 'faggot' prevents us from being able to love ourselves. <br />
<br />
And it is for this reason that we should fight to have it removed from popular usage. Yes - making it a big deal makes it clear to those that hate that it is a term they can use and use with success. But it has also forced society to consider it in a new light. People no longer scream out the term 'faggot'; they say it under their breath. Society chides those who do. Even if your name is Kobe and Bryant.<br />
<br />
And this is a good thing.<br />
<br />
I hope that my opinion does not discourage you from what you do, because I do enjoy your videos.<br />
<br />
- Neal AdolphUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-65205595865213026852011-04-13T12:00:00.000-07:002011-04-13T12:00:23.851-07:00Answering questions in a context where the question can't be true.This past weekend was my one year, Drag Show Anniversary. And I celebrated by going to another Drag Show! Nothing quite like watching people bend gender barriers, celebrating courage, and pride, and Lady Gaga.<br />
<br />
I had several 'straight' friends join me for their first Drag Shows. Just as I mentioned one year ago on this blog, it was a cultural experience. One thing they noted was the diversity of people in attendance.<br />
<br />
The other thing they noticed was the breaking of gender barriers.<br />
<br />
Every new performance on stage was accompanied by the somewhat-but-not-entirely hushed query: "So, girl or guy?". I answered the questions, though as the night went on I did so with increased hesitation.<br />
<br />
Because the point of the night was for that question not to be asked, but to be comfortable in the ambiguity of gender that exists for people all the time - all physical, sexual, and psychological. Answering the question made it seem as though the only way to determine gender is by looking at somebody's junk, even though the other two forms of gender that I mention (and I am sure the dozen other forms that I am not yet familiar with) also play an important role in determining how we identify. <br />
<br />
So, the 'man' dressed in a shimmering golden mini-dress, is he a boy or girl? Or both, or neither, or the thing in the middle that isn't really allowed to have a name?<br />
<br />
And, how does that reflect on me? I am a boy - I have testicles, and a scrotum, and I like playing with them. But I also have somewhat feminine tendencies at times - and these become more and more pronounced the more comfortable I become with myself. Am I a boy? Yes, and no. And I am not a girl, but I can be. And I am not that thing in the middle that doesn't have a name - though I probably could be.<br />
<br />
In answering the queries as I did, I missed an opportunity to outline the mysteries and complexity of gender, not only for transgendered people, or for drag queens, but in how they affect my everyday existence. And I sold out the soul of the show - the soul of pride, courage, mystery, and Lady Gaga.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-1128403672063911112011-04-08T16:10:00.000-07:002011-04-08T16:10:52.830-07:00In this season of disgruntling politics (when I am forced to realize that, once again my vote will not be of any importance to the government), I am forced to cheer up by the weather.<br />
<br />
Spring has arrived. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_lTGsXRgUxc/TZ-V7RZtSXI/AAAAAAAAAGQ/meULpMsE1aM/s1600/Crocus.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_lTGsXRgUxc/TZ-V7RZtSXI/AAAAAAAAAGQ/meULpMsE1aM/s320/Crocus.JPG" /></a></div><br />
In the past week, the glacier that has dominated my lawn for the past 5 months has receded. I can now see my flower bed. <br />
<br />
And what colour is that I see? <br />
<br />
Green.<br />
<br />
There is green there. And it isn't from bulbs, but from root-based perennials.<br />
<br />
That I planted last year. And that are growing back. Is it wrong of me to be joyful?<br />
<br />
I am now planning what I will be planting in my vegetable garden for the last time; what biodegradable foods I will be giving my perennials for the last time; how I will help my parents turn their yards into gold.<br />
<br />
I will miss having a yard in Vancouver, I am certain of that. But I will be able to find an urban garden to volunteer in, I am sure.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-11213827218101079982011-04-03T22:11:00.000-07:002011-04-21T09:01:47.331-07:00A message from Charlotte BronteConventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion. To attack the first is not to assail the last. To pluck the mask from the face of the Pharisee, is not to lift an impious hand to the Crown of Thorns.<br />
<br />
These things and deeds are diametrically opposed: they are as distinct as is vice from virtue. Men too often confound them: they should not be confounded: appearance should not be mistaken for truth; narrow human doctrines, that only tend to elate and magnify a few, should not be substituted for the world-redeeming creed of Christ. There is--I repeat it--a difference; and it is a good, and not a bad action to mark broadly and clearly the line of separation between them.<br />
<br />
The world may not like to see these ideas dissevered, for it has been accustomed to blend them; finding it convenient to make external show pass for sterling worth--to let white-washed walls vouch for clean shrines. It may hate him who dares to scrutinise and expose--to rase the gilding, and show base metal under it--to penetrate the sepulchre, and reveal charnel relics: but hate as it will, it is indebted to him.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-45055425647214212042011-03-29T21:51:00.000-07:002011-03-29T21:51:39.396-07:00On being outed.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WwDt1a_HtY0/TZK2uznz9jI/AAAAAAAAAGI/1W7BaTPU5rk/s1600/Preikestolen%2BCliff%252CNorway.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WwDt1a_HtY0/TZK2uznz9jI/AAAAAAAAAGI/1W7BaTPU5rk/s320/Preikestolen%2BCliff%252CNorway.jpeg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
It has happened.<br />
<br />
I had no control over it.<br />
<br />
My friend was at a Bible Study (wait, did I actually just capitalize bible?). People were leaving, the night was nearing the end. But the discussion was apparently just finally getting interesting. And somehow, as my friend often does, she managed to bring up the many sins of the church to which she is so committed.<br />
<br />
And the sin that was on her mind was the sins made against the gays.<br />
<br />
And, for the sake of her argument I was outed. People cried - particularly those who know me. And she was ok with it; she felt as though those around her, whom would deny me the right to do the things I love (like spend time with children, spend time with men, spend time with humanity), were finally slapped in the face. They knew of somebody that was gay, and was hurt by their prejudice.<br />
<br />
She told me the following day that she had outed me.<br />
<br />
<i>And I liked it.</i><br />
<br />
There has been no fallout thus far. I don't know what to anticipate, but I have no concerns. This is a moment that I have feared for far too long, and now that it is just starting to arrive - now that I am being shoved over the cliff side into that precipice of the unknown - I am anticipating salvation.<br />
<br />
And I crave it.<br />
<br />
And I know that good will come out of it. Because I have faith in humanity, in my friends, and the people that surround me. And though I am sometimes disappointed, I am finding my faith is very rarely misplaced.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-6521859581357282702011-03-28T15:59:00.001-07:002011-03-28T15:59:42.631-07:00“I don’t have a sexuality. I don’t feel like I’m female or male. I don’t belong to the gay or straight society, if there is such a thing. I feel like I’m capable of falling in love with other people. I’m not saying I’m bisexual, I’m just sexual!” -Elly Jackson<br />
<br />
What a lovely sentiment. Not something I can relate to, but something I wish more people would accept as a social philosophy of sexuality.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-30561854585717087722011-03-25T22:30:00.001-07:002011-03-25T22:30:29.305-07:00"Do not treat life as a way to pass the time until you die."<br />
<br />
- AnonymousUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-90883666401438439902011-03-21T22:02:00.000-07:002011-03-21T22:02:23.724-07:00Take it all in stride...My mom has told me that I have to tell my brother I am gay before I move to the coast. Which I totally understand.<br />
<br />
She also wants me to tell me grandmother. Which I totally understand.<br />
<br />
And I don't really have any concern over telling either of them, really.<br />
<br />
She is urging me to, so that she feels as though she is free to talk about me with her friends as a proud mother - something she wants to do, but refuses to do until the rest of my family knows. Which I totally understand.<br />
<br />
<br />
When I initially had this discussion with her, I felt like she was forcing me to do something that I don't really want to do. I don't agree with the philosophy of 'coming out', as I have stated before. And I don't really want to tell my brother - though he has changed considerably over the past couple months and our friendship has improved drastically. <br />
<br />
And then I thought it through again. <br />
<br />
My mom wants me to confirm to my brother and grandmother that I am gay so that she can <i>talk about me with pride.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
I am a very fortunate young man.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295584641969738415.post-49406250341115950322011-03-15T20:06:00.000-07:002011-03-15T20:29:18.490-07:00School sucks."The answer would be no." - Gerald Casey, Bruce-Grey Catholic District School Board Superintendent of Education.<br /><br />When asked if a Gay Straight Alliance would be permitted in their school, he responded that 'the answer would be no.'<br /><br />Having finished high school just years before GSAs became relatively common, I never had the opportunity to benefit from them. Indeed, even with them in place I do not think that many students of sexual minorities take advantage of the opportunity that is allowed to them - and the valuable resources that GSAs have access to. But, and this is a massive but, they remain an important fixture of high school cultures in fighting social homophobia in school cultures - in classrooms, changerooms, hallways; among teachers, students, and visitors. They make it clear that sexual minorities matter. And they provide a potential safe place in a world without safe places - the only of its kind available.<br /><br />So, when a school board would deny this safety to some of its students, one must ask upon which educational basis they are doing so. And the obvious answer is that it isn't based on any educational philosophy, as most modern ones recognize the importance of safe spaces in schools for people who self-identify as a minority. Unfortunately, it is upon the basis of religion that Catholic sexual minorities, including those individuals who are not catholic, are forced to remain in the closet. Not that I would suggest Catholics support hatred in any way (I think that many are very good at fighting it as best they can), but I would suggest that they are very slow at adopting the gay rights bandwagon. <br /><br />Xtra.com, a Canadian Gay News Website, recently <a href="http://www.xtra.ca/public/National/Catholic_bishops_prohibit_gaystraight_alliances_in_Ontario_schools-9760.aspx">surveyed</a> all of the Catholic School Districts in Ontario and asked them if they supported or had operating in their schools a GSA. None of them could confirm the existence of any.<br /><br />None.<br /><br /><br /><br />In <a href="http://news.change.org/stories/to-block-a-gay-straight-alliance-texas-high-school-shuts-down-all-extracurricular-clubs">Corpus Christi, Texas</a>, at Flour Bluff Intermediate School, all school clubs have been discontinued. So that a GSA could not be started. Which just makes sense, right? I mean, rather than overcome our discriminations and prejudices, we should make sure that everybody is treated fairly (and that, once again the gays get blamed for the cancellation of much beloved programs).<br /><br /><br />Schools need to become aware of how they are producing a culture of hatred and, at my most possibly kind, indifference. Failing to include sexual minorities in a school culture ill-prepares students for a changing world, and can very negatively affect the psycho-social development of those who are sexual minorities. Which is something that the 'gay' community is already, and always has been, dealing with. Expecting children and young adults to hide this part of their being ruins their sense of self, self-confidence, and self-respect - it contributes to violent behaviour, sexual promiscuity, and a general lack of healthy decision making in the community.<br /><br />It is dangerous. And it fails our students.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3