William

I danced beside you tonight. Not with you. In the same dancing circle of ridiculous movement set to a monotonous beat, so with you. But not with you. I was beside you on the outside rim of the circle.

I wanted to dance with you. Ask you for your number. Suggest coffee, or tea, or a walk, or beer. Or wine with cheese and a bread platter. Whatever interested you.

Because. You were physically attractive. And dramatic women who I don't really like decided you were rude for some reason in a sideways conversation about you. And I like people who are just barely arrogant enough, just barely sensible enough, to know that they don't need to be friendly with everybody they meet when they are mostly comfortable with the people they know. That entices me.

And the way that we looked into each other's eyes only after avoiding them, and continue to avoid them afterwards, and took glances again and again. Hoping not to time them at the same moment - the electric pulse of the air and the flash movement of poor lighting putting us both at risk.

So. William. Hopefully I didn't miss my chance. And I can one day have the opportunity to dance with you rather than in a circle that we both happen to be in. Hopefully before then you learn my name.

It's Neal.

And - if you have to search my wallet for it while I am using your toilet the following morning - I won't mind. Even if you tell me.

It's Neal.

The Book of Eli and the Last of the Crazy People

A movie. Mediocre at best (and one that loses its meaning more as you think about it).

A book. More than mediocre, at best (and one that I think haunts more as you think about it).

That is my title tonight...


As tonight I watched the Book of Eli, with friends that I am beginning to see more and more as the Last of the Crazy People.

I just don't get 'belief' anymore. Not in the same way that they do. And I don't think that concerns me anymore. Other than for the fact that they can't perceive 'belief' as anything less than what they 'know' it to be.

That concerns me.

Because what they 'believe' in and what they hold as 'true' are flimsy. Not false - but probably wrong - yet flimsy.

Are they crazy for believing in it? Or did I miss the point of the film. Or the Book of Eli.

"To be 'gay,' I think, is not to identify with the psychological traits and the visible marks of the homosexual, but to try to define and develop a way of life."

- Michel Foucault

This makes me wish more than ever that everybody had the profound opportunity to be 'gay'.

Children are beautiful.

My friend just had one with his wife.

He is an honourable man. A good husband to his beautiful wife. And a fantastic father to the son that he already has.

And I am very, very happy for him.

Land of living skies...

Saskatchewan is, at one moment, a source of immense pride and, at the other, a source of shame.

Earlier this week, the Saskatchewan Court of Appeal upheld a ruling of the lower courts, saying that marriage commissioners could not use their own personal bias as a means of determining who it is that they marry. In effect, they could not refuse marriage to anybody, regardless of sexual orientation, skin colour, or other feature. It is their duty as representatives and employees of the government to provide marriage to those that choose not to have a religious ceremony.



As such, the individual rights of the commissioners are superseded by the rights of the marrying couple. It is now unlawful to deny one's services based on conscience or religious ideals.

I imagine this is a cause for celebration for many.

Unless you are a member of the Saskatchewan Party. The governing party of our provincial legislature had asked the court to consider two alternatives. One would have allowed marriage commissioners to deny public services to gay couples, and the other would have allowed only marriage commissioners licensed before the legalization of same-sex marriage to do so.

Both were ruled unconstitutional. (though perhaps not entirely unacceptable?)

Maurice Vellacott, a Member of Parliament and the Conservative Party, and an outspoken opponent to same-sex marriage: “The Court has hereby belittled religious faith or any faith for that matter. It sets up a hierarchy of rights saying these same-sex rights are more important than freedom of conscience and religion.”

Is that really what the court did?

Read. Don't Read.

Over the past several months, without the pressure of school work (other than applying for graduate programs) and only working one job, I have found myself fortunate enough to have free time. I've used it to play the piano, play video games, try and learn a new language (German, I'm looking at you), and, most enjoyably, read.

In this time period, my favourite facebook application has become Virtual Bookshelf - where I can show my friends what I am reading and share my perspective on books I have read in the past.

I am currently reading one of the most compelling books that I have ever picked up. I don't agree with it, but I find it hard not to be completely wrapped up in it. I look forward to finishing it (I'm about a quarter of the way through) and sharing my thoughts with you about it. With any chance some of you have read it (it is a classic) and we can discuss it.

Anyways.

A book you should read:

Alias Grace by Margaret Attwood. My first Attwood book turned out to be a truly gripping novel written with incredible style and tackling some very serious and complicated issues. I was completely impressed by the book from cover to cover.

A book you should not read:

Homecoming by Bernard Schlink. My second novel by the writer of The Reader, and I was thoroughly disappointed. It unravels and intoxicates you, though you are not entirely certain of why. It is neither compelling nor a complete story - like a first draft or an outline that could've been something great if only it were fleshed out more and the ending was changed. I would not recommend this novel to the worst of my enemies.

And the answer is... (42?)

So I am an educator by trade. As a gay educator, I am always in the spotlight of the criticizing eye of the adolescent. And, if you read my post entitled Moral Education, you would know that sometimes I encounter challenging and painful situations as a result of my sexuality - and that sometimes these make me angry.

That was back at the end of November.

Days after I posted Moral Education, a friend of mine uploaded Hint #6 to her facebook page and introduced me to something very, very powerful. Her fiancee (also a woman) and I were blown away by what we saw; it made the It Gets Better Movement seem trivial for all the reasons that it is trivial.

We can't promise people that it will get better later. We need to promise young adults that it will get better today, and make that promise come true. But... how do I do that?

Enter the fiancee's passion for gay activism and my interest in education. Somewhere, despite my frustration with the current generation of young people and their lack of work ethic, attention, or care, I have faith in education - in discovery - to change people. And if we are true to ourselves, we all know and feel on a daily basis that society needs to change.

So for December the two of us organized ourselves. We talk about gender theory and how we felt it needed to become something that everybody learned about - rather than just those who were in sexual minorities. We talked about how that is possible - how it fits into the curriculum in Saskatchewan and, (sadly) how it does not. We talked about what power we have to educate young people about gender and sexuality, and how this can be done with an approach of discovery rather than lecture. We talked about questions - to be asked and answered. We talked about our own sexualities and discovered things we never imagined about ourselves. We talked, because we know that these are concepts and topics that young people deal with everyday, that young people want to discuss as they try to figure themselves out, that adults don't want young people to discuss, and that young people feel uncomfortable discussing.

And from that, we made something that we hope is powerful and brilliant. A comprehensive discussion session - 1 hour in length (but potentially longer). Introducing the basics of the gender spectrum, the unreality of extremes - even introducing circular gender theory as something even less finite and more flexible. Providing students with basic ideas about gender - to liberate them all (even the "straight" ones from the ideas of being "straight" - the one's who are not "gay" but feel something other than "straightness"). We would present ourselves, honestly, openly, and carefully - answering questions about sexuality and providing ourselves as case studies.

We have people signing up to be a part of it. Including many of our "straight" allies who wish they had a better concept of sexuality before they discovered their friend was gay. Not because it informed them about their gay friends but because it helped them inform themselves about their sexualities. They were able to understand themselves better - they were liberated to understand themselves with more clarity but less "straight" and more "other".

In the coming weeks the fiancee and I have a meeting with the local Public School Board's board chair to ask their permission to enter classrooms. We are also in contact with our province's health curriculum consultant - we want to show them what is possible, talk about our approach, and outline how we imagine this affecting everyone positively. And how important it is to get this information to students at a younger age.

So there are circles (Hint #3). There are spectrums and women (Hint #2), and rainbows (Hint#1). There are questions (Hint #3, #4), and students (Hint #4, #5), and a reimagining of gender (Hint #6) - a reGendering - with our youth.

With any luck this will amount to something that is worth its weight in paper and time...