I saw a friend today, and he said he would pray for me.
We were talking about my future after school, and I shared my complete confusion over what to do with my life. I don't know whether to teach for a couple years, or to go to Graduate school, or to move away and figure myself out for a bit. It is a very difficult decision to make economically.
And when he said he would pray for me, I couldn't help but asking myself, "why?"
What is prayer going to do? I have no communion with God anymore, and certainly won't accept any subtle hints regarding my future as being evidence of his existence. So why pray for me?
I can feel my life changing in profound ways. I am figuring myself out, and I will soon let other people in on the game. Do I want God rolling any dice? Probably not. Scratch that... absolutely not.
God often leads to Christians, many of whom have caused me enormous amounts of frustration and pain. And many of whom don't think I should ever be allowed to marry. Many of whom fight for righteousness but not justice. Many of whom are entirely unaware of God's nature, and are not interested in any spiritual aspects of God that conflict with Christianity.
So, not God on my board game. Not right now, perhaps never again. The dice are in my hands, and I think I am getting ready to roll.
As you posted a comment on my blog, I thought I would head west to see what was going around in your neck of the woods [or prairie].
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you that I removed your name and link to your blog on the comment you made for your own safety. In fact, had I not removed your name from the comment you made on my blog, you might have been infected by oh-so righteous fundamentalist christians who hover over my blog waiting to feast on any unguarded carrion.
Ah, confusion, yes indeed. There is always that. I've been confused on an irregular basis for the past 60 years or at least 56, when I was 12. As you speak of 'christians' in this thread, might I say that my family was über-religious and, to a boy of 12 or so, religion was one of the last things I was interested in at that time in my life.
Life as a budding adolescent is difficult enough without adding the religion layer to it all. I successfully defended myself against that suffocating layer and moved on to adulthood relatively unscathed, although scarred a bit.
Today I am a happy agnostic, clearly enjoying my freedom from religion. If you read any other of my postings, you will note that I am fiercely anti-fundamentalist. There is an angry knot of christian fundamentalists [aren't they always?] who swarm around my blog, ready to sting me wit their deadly venom. Your statement above, "Many of whom fight for righteousness but not justice." is exactly what i have learned from these righteous christian bigots.
In fact, I do not believe that they are Christians at all [which is why I used the lower-case 'c' when referring to them]. Rather, they think, talk and act more like followers of Mosaic Law, that ancient, bigoted and arrogant set of laws set forth in Genesis and redoubled in Leviticus and Deuteronomy.
They are CINOS, Christians in name only. They pimp Jesus, that good, tolerant and loving man and usurp his name and reputation for their own Mosaic ideals.
Anyway, I hope that I was not too late in removing your name; you will find out soon enough. Still, I am happy that you took time to comment on my tongue-in-cheek presentation of the Matthew Shepard Law; the sarcasm, you now know, was directed as the christian buzzards.
I'll check back her from time to time to read your thoughts and to see that your blog is non-viral.
Best of luck with your next decision, but 'God' ought not be part of the dice scenario.