Thursday, October 15, 2009
So, the past several weeks have been very interesting for me. Somehow, in some twisted method, I have managed to become a member of a gay group of friends, wherein I am the only gay member surrounded by Lesbians. And I am loving it - I get to talk about the attractive men that walk by as we visit, and get to hear about their past relationships.
I get to be taken to the local gay bar. Be hit on.
Not really hit on by anybody that I would hit on, but it was a new experience anyways.
I think I am starting to get over this gay thing, little by little.
But the reality is that I am not out yet. Unfortunately, I have now established two distinct groups of friends: those that know I am gay, and those that don't (my family remains in the latter). Those that know find me entirely comfortable, with a new excitement and passion for life that does not seem to be overtly stifled. Those that don't know of my homosexuality are finding that I am increasingly cold-shouldered (my family remains in the latter).
I really want to fix this.
I had the experience today of starting to organize a soccer team where my Lesbian friends would be mixing with my friends from Group A (the group of the uninformed). This terrifies me - because I don't even know how to interact with the two groups mutually, and because I am been spending such an excessive amount of time with the Lesbians over the past couple weeks that I may or may not know how to interact with homosexuals anymore. It seemed totally weird today to do so. As though I was putting on a show.
And it is nice to think that this "show" is something that I am becoming progressively more unaccustomed to.
Earlier this week, I sent my friend, Anthem, a message telling him that I plan on having kids. For those of you who are still reading this blog despite the several weeks that have now transpired since my last posting, you may have noticed that I am now following another blog, entitled Gay Family Values.
I try to shy away from anything that is explicitly gay - but am finding this community to be more and more empowering as I become slightly more involved with it, and comfortable with it.
And Gay Family Values is one of those reasons. This is a blog from the makers of a Youtube Channel called depfox - a couple of gay men in California who have children. Their channel is inspiring. They make me hope for having a real life, and make me want to actively pursue it.
It is possible that I can tell my parents that I am gay so that I can do this.
To get them out of this latter group, and into the first.
To no longer give them the cold-shoulder, and just love them with my actions as much as I do with me heart.
In other news, watch this video of Wanda Sykes. Hilarious.