When you fall in love with a straight married man, you know you're in trouble.
And I am not going to lie, this is where I have been stuck for quite a while. And, somehow, we have developed a friendship that has allowed me to appreciate him for more than his ridiculous good looks. He is charming, funny, enjoyable to be around.
(I don't know which of those I think is more important - they both pretty much rule out the possibility of relationship.)
So, I'm devising methods of ending our friendship in a way that involves me telling him that I am gay - and that I am fighting a conflict of interests in our relationship. And that it is better for me and him if we stop being friends.
Unless he can think of a way to stop being so damn attractive. Or stop being so charming that I occasionally perceive some kind of flirtation with him.
I've composed an e-mail that entreats him to go out for coffee (he is allergic to alcohol - tragic flaw). Have not thus far sent it. Probably will tomorrow.
I can't wait to be attracted to, and possibly develop a relationship with, somebody that has the possibility of being attracted to me. That will be a good day, when it happens.
How exciting to think about how that might actually happen.
Hopefully I am not entirely delirious.