I was out for coffee with a good friend of mine a couple weeks ago - he is a local pastor - and he asked me something a long the lines of when I decided to get God out of my life. I think this is largely a response to my "Snake Eyes" post, which you can find below.
I responded saying that it is very difficult to reconcile being Gay and being Christian. The two, as much as I can theorize about their coexistence in a single person, and as much as I see it happening in many gay people, come from different worlds. Being and Gay Christian feels like your playing Baseball with a Soccer Ball - you're still playing the sport, your still playing with a ball, but something seems wrong and the game is messed up entirely.
Over the past couple of months, this has lead me increasingly away from any philosophy that allows for the existence of God. Is this good? I don't know - I see so much in the world that is worthwhile that develops out of Christians. Some of my closest friends are Christians - and wonderfully so. I count this pastor among them. They are examples of this theory that I want to believe in - that Christians and Homosexuality are not exclusive realities.
But every homosexual with any history with the church knows that people condemn them to Hell in the name of Christ.
I don't even believe in Hell. I don't think I even believe in atonement, if the Biblical story of Christ is true. But it is impossible to forget being condemned to Hell - because it is a philosophy and an idea that includes so much hatred and disgust.
Nobody wants to go to Hell. Not even an atheist.
My last couple posts have focused on the gay marriage struggle that took place in the state of Maine at the beginning of the month. I have shared my heartbreak with you on this already. Let me share somebody else's with you.
The reality is this: Christianity is the leading cause of hatred against homosexuals in North America and Europe. The Islamic faith is the leading cause of hatred against homosexuals in the Middle East and Africa. The Jewish State of Israel only allows homosexual marriage because their constitution and legal precedent binds them to Canadian laws - there is enormous opposition within the state against homosexual marriage. So when I am asked when I turned away from God, my answer can only be that I turned away from God when I first heard about Hell, and when I first recognized the depth of hatred that God's peoples have for homosexuals.
I realize that this isn't a blanket statement, and for those many Jews, Muslims, and Christians who have fought alongside homosexuals to promote legal and social equality I send my gratitude. It is because of your support that my life is changed - I am able to be me, as I was created to be, because you were brave on my behalf.
But please understand how damaging it is to have churches protesting against us rather than for us when they pretend to represent a God that loves us all, equally. It is so difficult to believe in God when his people don't believe you have the capacity to love, or be moral - and when they go out into the streets with signs proclaiming this.
Please understand how hard it is for me to approach God.