Thursday, February 4, 2010

Untitled, Unposted #1

I have many blog postings on this blog that none of you have ever seen. Though I have only 30-some entries, I have more than 100 attempts at entries... Most of them are full, complete articles about my life. My frustrations. And filled with shame.

Which is why they were never posted.

I've been reading through some of recently, and I have found some interesting stuff. Some powerful stuff from times when I was filled with so much fear, self-loathing, and an enormous desire to live in anything but my own skin. Every now and then, I'm going to post some of these...


For many years I have tried to live my life as though I am post-gay. I don't need to admit I am gay. People just know. They can see it in my existence, smell it in the air as I walk by. Read it in my eyes, hear it in my voice. And so I have lived that way.

This may be because I have serious human rights concerns with the very process of "coming out of the closet."

And so I have tried to live my life post-gay. Without the benefits of sexual freedom.

How foolish of me. It's like thinking one has already finished the race and was wearing the gold medal when the reality is that there are miles to go, and dozens of obstacles between me and the finish line.

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