Friday, August 20, 2010

My biggest fear in life is that I will wake up for the rest of my life in a bed with nobody beside me.

My second biggest fear is that I will wake up next to somebody that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with.


Last week I was reading a friend's blog. They have decided to include advertising in their blog in order to support their children as little as they can. One of their pieces of advertising was for an online dating service for men.

I clicked.

I felt so much less than human, even without having signed up.


  1. Another loaded post, Neal. Not sure if you want advice from someone as old as me, but, about your two biggest fears, don't worry about them. If you have faith--which I'm sure you do--everything will work out just fine. You will meet the right man for you and not wake up alone.
    Until that happens, keep working on yourself. Accept yourself, love yourself, prepare yourself. That's all you have control over. Turn the rest over to God because you know He always provides.
    About feeling less than human because you accessed an online dating service for men, don't be silly (if it's my place to tell you to do that). I know a number of people who have met their partners online, and there is no shame in it.
    Years ago, in the late 1980s, I actively consulted the personal ads in the newspapers in an effort to meet the right man for me. Lots of other people were doing it, too. Think of it this way: Your normal sphere is narrow. There's no shame in broadening that by consulting ads or online dating services. If you're not ready to try it yet, then don't. But keep your options open. You never know who you might meet.
    Oh, did the personal ads work for me? Nope. But they changed my life when I met a wonderful, gay man. We became great friends, came of age together, and supported each other enormously. I couldn't have adjusted to my new life in Vancouver without him. Hey, everything happens in life for a reason. But you know that, right?
    Theme of the day: Keep yourself open to all experiences that don't compromise who you are as a human being. You never know where they might take you.
    (Can I ask a question unrelated to your blog? Do your parents know you're gay? Just wondering.)

  2. Hi Neal,
    Rick's right. I used to feel the same way as you do, but the truth is, there's no shame in searching for someone using the Personal's. How else are you going to connect with someone? If it works, great, if not, you may at least find a good friend.

  3. Thank you both, Norah and Rick, for your comments. I appreciate the encouragement. Once again, I am finding myself humbled against my hopes and wishes (also known as pride), discovering a love life is much more challenging to foster than I would hope. Expect to see my profile on some online dating site at some point in the near future... I suppose.

    Rick - regarding your question, yes and no. We dance around the topic. I've told them. We are both parties reluctant to discuss it, for some reason. That will change soon.

  4. Thanks for answering my question, Neal.
    Based on my own experience, here's what I think you should do. If you've told your parents you are gay, and they don't wish to discuss it with you, leave it at that. Keep living your life as an open gay young man to the extent you can. Remember, just like it took time for you to accept yourself (and you might still be doing that in one way or another), it will take your parents some time to accept this new facet of you as well. But in no way does it mean they don't still love you.
    What I think you'll find as you mature and move on to other stages of your life--that is, find someone to love and develop an ongoing relationship, which you will--you'll share that with your loved ones as you can. When your life as a gay man becomes more real for them, they will be more open to you. They're tentative now because they know what you've told them, but they haven't seen it in action. When you bring your boyfriend home is when they will know what you've told them about yourself is true. And they will be happy for you, in their own way.
    My father has known since I was twenty-six I'm gay, but we've never discussed it once. Until recently, when he told me the only thing he wants for me is that I'm happy. I believe most parents wish the same for their children, regardless of the circumstances. I know I don't know your parents, but I know how sweet and loving you are, and I can't imagine they won't come around at some point.
    Above all, don't force this on them. Give everyone lots and lots of time. But don't put your life on hold either. You must still continue to be who you are and move forward to live your fullest potential.
    Does all of this make sense? Do you think it will work for you? I hope so. All the very best.