There is nothing like being gay.
Nothing I can imagine.
It forces you to eat your pride, swallow it whole. Allow it to progress through the endocrine system, leave the bladder and spilled to the ground. Rolled around in - smelled.
This is what being gay does to your pride.
Because you are constantly reminded that there is something wrong with you. Something not quite right with you - not quite normal. Something you can't ignore, avoid, live without. And yet is something you embrace.
Until you can no longer embrace it.
I wish I could tell that man who decided that Tim Hortons was a great place to very publicly discuss some men that he saw at Superstore that I am not a "faggot" - but that I am gay.
And I wish I could tell him that I completely embrace it.
But one of these would be a lie.
"... I focused on the pain.
The only thing that's real."
Chalk this one up to ignorance, Neal. The world is filled with ignorant people who have no clue what they're talking about.
ReplyDeleteHere's how I reconcile it: I imagine the man in Tim Hortons you write about has children of his own. And I imagine him getting the shock of his life when his son or daughter tells him he or she is gay. I imagine the look on the father's face when he realizes what he's ignorantly put down in the past has come to visit him in his own life. Suddenly, gay people aren't someone else; they are his son or daughter, the child he helped create and father hopefully in a loving and nurturing way (although I have my doubts).
Then I pray, after dropping the bomb, the son or daughter has the courage to back away from from his or her bigoted father. My heart bleeds for the father that he could be deprived of a relationship with his child for the rest of his life. Too bad, huh? What a tough lesson to learn.
Thanks for sharing, and don't be so hard on yourself. By the time you get to my age, what other people say doesn't matter. Live your life with honesty and dignity. Set a great example for other gay people. That's the greatest revenge.