So I asked him
- Do you have any idea what your eyes do to me?
And he answered
- Yes. I've known for a long time.
So I asked him
- Why do you still let me look into them then?
And he answered
- Why do you let me look into yours?
I don't know yet if that is the end of that conversation.
So are you dreaming this, or does it mean you've taken a chance and tried to get to know someone you're interested in a little better? I hope the latter.
ReplyDeleteJust wondering.
You've compelled me to dream less frequently.
ReplyDelete...And turn them into reality, or what? I'm not sure what you mean, Neal. Dreaming is great. Go on dreaming. Nothing wrong with that. The question is, how do you turn dreams into reality, which can be so much better. Any chance of that happening, or is it not even possible while you're in Val Marie?
ReplyDeleteNot sure you're upset with me, but know I only wish the very best for you at all times. I don't mean my advice to be bad or to force you to do something you don't want. In the end, you must take responsibility for yourself and do what's right for you.
All the best.
Rick - I apologize if that sounded short. I won't deny that hearing some of your suggestions causes me some degree of frustration, but it is appreciated anyways - a necessary part of me maturing into the person I want to be.
ReplyDeleteThe moment recorded above is an event that has taken place. Whether or not it will continue to take place is debatable.
But... hope that it will is not lost on me.
Thanks for the clarification, Neal. I appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI do not wish to cause you any frustration. I understand how that could happen based on what I've written. Far from suggesting you jump into anything you're not ready for, I'm merely trying to encourage you to take those first tentative steps toward the full gay man you will be.
But it's not my place to do even that. I only want to influence you, if I'm able to do that, in the most positive of ways. Your posts are so filled with longing and frustration (even outside of what I write) that I'm compelled to help you, using some of the wisdom I've gained over the past nearly fifty-one years. I see so much of myself in you back then, so much of what I felt. I can still relate to you so well because I know what you're going through.
Back in the mid-1980s, would I have been open to what a fifty-year-old suggested to me? Not a chance, because there were no blogs then. I only knew older gay men as the leering, disgusting types who wanted to "show me a few things." I was only coming to terms with who I am, and I wanted nothing to do with anyone else, especially older gay men.
But I have to watch myself and not be so willing to offer you advice. What worked for me may not work for you. You have to get to where you go in your own time and in your own way. And all I should do is look forward to reading what you write and support you in any way I can.
My apologies if I over-stepped my bounds as a follower and reader of your blog. I meant no harm.
All the best with the situation you wrote about in this post. I know everything will happen as it's meant to.